Monthly Archives: April 2016

Raising a Man

First of all, you need to understand something.  I am a man.  A full bearded man.  This doesn’t mean I can’t cry at a sad movie or feel shame for acting a fool when drunk.  It just means that I don’t.  Hell, I ain’t no automaton.  I cried in 1968 when I had to put down my dog, Chuck, with my pistol.  It was more of tearing than sobbing woman cry yet I get accused by my wife and son of being insensitive.  You see, I have been having some trouble with my boy.

Jake was born in 1971.  My wife Ann, who is a saint of woman, gave birth to him suddenly 8 and a half months into her pregnancy.  And boy do I mean suddenly.  He flew out of her faster than a mule kick.  I worked for the local electric company which I still do to this day.  It’s honest work and pays the bills.  I did the best I could as a father.  Better than my father.  He was tougher than grits and knew how to use them.  I can’t tell you the number of times I had warm to mildly hot grits poured down my britches as punishment.  Even for the smallest infraction such as not finishing my grits or not putting enough grits on my steak.  However, as he got older his drinking increased and it calmed his demeanor.  I guess some men just need that liquor in their system to keep them steady.  Walking to school with pants full of grits is a smooth yet embarrassing experience.  I wasn’t a trouble maker but I could take care of myself and on occasion I would get into fights on the way to school with some of the local boys.  When it was all over we would be covered in grits due to the fact my father had filled my pockets with them.  This would absolutely baffle them.  It was strange enough to keep them from challenging me too often.  I thought my father didn’t know what he was talking about like all boys do at that age I remember him saying things like “BOY! You best remember that grits could one day save your hide!”  Or “Grits ain’t then enemy son, things that are not grits are the enemy.”  Or “That’s one small bowl of grits for a man, one giant tubs of grits for mankind.”  This was usually said as he served our dinner grits.

My mother was a portly woman who cared deeply for her children.  She came from a time when you supported your husband no matter what.  As I got older I began questioning some of his grits based philosophy but my mother was quick to remind me that his work in the grits factory is what puts grits on the table.  One time she did admit that a man in that kind of work environment is bound to have a few scars.  I wouldn’t know what she meant until years later. I would ask her to explain but she would tell me to just finish my grits and not to worry about my father and he was a good man.  She was right.  He had served in the Army in world war 2.  He didn’t talk about it ever, even when he had more than a few too many.   Perhaps that was part of it.

I was a rebellious teen.  My beard was starting to sprout so it was to be expected.  I was listening to rock and roll and letting my hair grow over my ears.  There was nothing too bad until one summer I asked to borrow his truck to haul some old furniture for the church.  What I was really doing is moving about 100 beers and a few stolen bottles of booze to the lake for the weekend.  Also I was getting head from a young female in my class who was known to be a bit loose with her morals.  Unfortunately, I hadn’t left the driveway when he walked up.  He immediately spit out his grits ripped open the car door.

“What the in the sweet name of grits is going on here he shouted as we scrambled to get ourselves together.  Marci, the girl I was with ran off in horror and shame as my father grabbed me by the collar.  He tore off the tarp I had covering the booze in the bed of the truck and gritted his teeth with some grits he had in his shirt pocket.  He asked me where I got the booze and I told him.  We drove and he made me return it to its rightful owner then we drove home.  Silence the whole way.  It was worse than a beating.  Later that night he sat me down in the parlor and told me a story.

“When I was in the Army there were times when we had to ration carefully for the men.  You see, I was part of the supply chain that tried to get hot meals to the men on the front.  You can’t imagine how important it is for moral.  We were away from home for years and…you miss the little things…the small comforts…Hell, unless you were there I can’t expect you to understand.  You see, we were cut off in Bastogne.  Surrounded by the Hun… for weeks and…”  My father trailed off and stared into a memory somewhere far away and long ago.  I could see the pain and sorrow behind his eyes.  Those eyes which until then I had seen as the eyes of a simple grits man now seemed both beautiful and scarred with life experiences I couldn’t imagine.  After a moment he spoke.

“You shouldn’t take what isn’t yours.  You shouldn’t try to deceive your parents.  We only want the best for you.  You are going to keep fucking up.  That is the nature of things but please try to remember that when you take what isn’t yours, you hurt someone else.  I don’t expect you to understand but just give it a thought.”  Then he stood up and slowly walked away.  He never mentioned any kind of punishment and in fact never mentioned the incident again.  That simple moment changed who I was.  I think that was the day I understood what it was to be a man.  A few years later I told him I was being shipped out to Vietnam.  He shut his eyes, took a deep breath and simply said “come back”.  I never heard from him while I was over there.  I never got a single grit from him although occasionally there would be a few in a letter from my mother but it was just grit debris from the amount of grits in the house.  When I got back he gave me a firm handshake and congratulated me on “…killing a slew of those slant eyes half Jap fucks” and welcomed me home.  I washed the grits off my hand looked up in the mirror.  I wiped off the grits and saw a bearded man looking back.  The boy who grew up in this house was gone.  I rubbed some drying grits on my hands and went to have dinner with my family.  I have to admit I had been yearning for months for grits casserole and the Crème de la Grits I could smell from the porch.

Listen to me.  I was going to tell you about my fuckup son but I ended up doing nothing but tell you about my own self.  I must be getting old.  I guess my own problems as a father will have to wait.  Maybe they aren’t so bad after all.

 

  • Greg Gritman

December 1988

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Tex

Cowboy boots.

Hat.

Denim britches.

A belt buckle with a human butt in the shape of Texas that says “TexASS” underneath.

This has been my getup for the last 42 years and I don’t intend to change a thing about it.  If I got a couple dollars in my pocket and a couple whiskeys in my belly I am a happy man.  You have to keep life simple.  That is the key.  I am a simple man who married a simple woman.  I met Carla in high school.  At the time my nickname was “Tex” being that I was from Texas.  Since we were actually in Texas this was problematic since every male in the school had the same nickname.  Except for Stephen “The Steve” Stephenson and Bigmike “Slim” Fatthins.

Carla was an attractive woman with a dynamite figure.  In those days women kept themselves decently covered.  If you wanted to see some skin you would get yourself one of them girly books from the drugstore.  Old man Schleppy kept them in the back.  You would give him a wink and kiss on the lips and he would quietly slip a magazine to you.  It was a different time when women were ladies in public and animals between the sheets but no one had to know about it besides their men.  Of course we all told each other wild tales.

“Oh boy.  You might think Mable is a lady by the way she acts in public but she is a real animal between them sheets.”  One of us might say.

“Oh yea.  I could say the same thing about Darlene. Real lady like when about town but boy, you get her between those sheets and she’s a real animal.”  Someone else might say.

“Funny you guys say that because I thought Mary-Bethany was such a lady on account of how she carried herself when in the company of others but when I got her between them sheets it was like she was some kind of wild animal.” Another would add.

It would get repetitive after a while and we would stop and silently wonder why the women all seemed so similar.  I would say the only difference would be the ladies of the night who hung out at the truck stop down the way.  Feisty animals in public but once you paid for their time between the sheets they were very proper ladies.

Carla was different.  She was…off I guess some would say.  Her mother said it was because she was born during a full moon.  Her father more accurately would say it was because she got kicked in the back of the head by a mule when she was a child.  I was 18 years old in my senior year.  I had a 1972 Ford pickup truck that me and the fellas would sit in and down a couple of tallboys before the day started.  One day Carla came and say down in the bed of the truck and asked if we wanted some porridge.  We looked at each other confused then she delivered a quick and accurate round house kick to my friend Tex who was instantly knocked unconscious.  She then shouted “I WILL NOT BE RAPED!” and ran backwards to her group of friends. Full speed too while keeping eye contact with us.  It was more impressive that the kick.  I was instantly smitten.  I ended up asking her to the senior prom.  She slapped me in the face and said yes.  Luckily I had a full beard at the time which absorbed much of the force but it still stung.  I hardly noticed because I she had said YES!  I hollered and threw might hat into the air which then fell into a mud puddle and I questioned why I had just done that or why it seemed like a good thing to do in celebration in general.  I picked her up in my truck and she looked as beautiful as the day we met which was 3 days prior.  She slapped me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.  I learned quickly she didn’t have much of a filter on account of the mule kick.

“I have to tell you Carla, I am real excited for tonight.”  I said.  She shifted uncomfortably.

“Sorry I am moving all around and for the smell.  I got the nervous butt toots and the way I am sitting is sending some of them into my vagina parts which I am trying to avoid and not mention.”  I admired her honesty.  We danced and laughed all night.  We were both a bit overserved when she said she wanted to make love to me.  She asked if I had a couple of sheets in my truck she could get between to show me what an animal she could be.  Luckily I did on account I had been at a klan meeting a few night prior.  It was a wonderful night.  I felt like a real man.  We continued to date and then one day she slapped me and  told me she was “pregnant as all fuck.” And that I was going to be a father.  I had to tell the guidance counsel, Tex Hodges,  that I was going to take my responsibilities seriously and I was dropping out of school.

“What the hell are you talking about.” He said “There are three days left and then you graduate.  That would be ridiculous.”

“Sorry.  My mind is made up.  Time for me to be a man.”

“But you have a full academic scholarship to Harvard!”

“Well, you know what they say.  ‘College school is for sissy men and queer faggot gay men boy men.”

“No they don’t.  No one says that!”

But I was already walking out to marry my sweet Carla.  Her father owned the feed store and offered me a job.  I took it.  Six months into the pregnancy we were devastated when the good Lord above decided it wasn’t time for us to be parents and took our baby boy home early.  The doctor man said it wasn’t the good Lord as much as it was Carla’s use of handfuls of diet pills but in her defense she was developing a bit of a gut on account of all the drinking she was doing so we didn’t know what he expected.  Carla was so distraught that she couldn’t drink for months.  That is when she got pregnant and gave birth to my boy Tex.  It was one of the happiest days of my life when she brought him home.  My dog, Tex ran up and immediately started licking him in the face.  It was a wonderful time.  The start of my life as a family man and a feed man.  The start of a new day in Texas and new life for Tex.

 

Tex “Tex” Texman

August 2015

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