Monthly Archives: November 2014

Remembering Papa

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I love my father? No. I love my father. (?) I can’t even say it without questioning myself. You see, my father was a cold man. He was bearded to the hilt and as tough as an iron bag of railroad spikes. When I say bearded I mean it was like his hair just became his beard. I think he had head hair for facial hair. Some kind of small genetic error that would have made him a God among Vikings. In fact that is where I think he belonged. A man born in the wrong time in the wrong place. He was poor growing up. A child in the great depression. He worked in a coal mine to help feed his family but when he was 8 his mother forced him to find other work as she felt 3 years without sunlight was damaging his body. He worked as a lumberjack for a few years but then after the bombing of Pearl Harbor he felt his duty was to fight in the war. He lied about his age and joined the Army. When he was 11. He was already about 6 feet tall and could grow full mutton chops and a mustache. After the war he got a job at the steel mill and worked there his entire life making an honest living for his wife and kids.

I was the oldest of 4 children. Born in 1950, I was at the perfect age for the counter culture movement in the 60’s. This is something my father didn’t understand or care about. I don’t even think he knew about it. We were in an argument one time when I was 18. My hair was getting long, I was smoking weed daily and was active in war protest about the growing conflict in Vietnam. The argument started with the length of my hair. I insisted that times were changing and was going into a tirade about how I am my own man when he effectively stopped my speech with a punch to the gut.

“You know. I think you have a point.” He said as I was doubled over in pain. “You do have a right to make your own choice about the war.” I don’t know what he meant by that because he grabbed me by the back of the shirt and dragged me down to the local recruiting office. There were a group of a dozen or so protesters out front chanting the typical slogans at the time. He plopped me down in the office as I was still recovering from the punch. He went outside and I heard the strangest thing. Imagine the sound of someone singing but then being choked. Now imagine that happening to 12 people all at the same time. It is a strange, gurgling chorus sound. He came back inside and shoved the papers in front of my face. The recruiter spoke up.
“Um, sir you can’t force your son to…” He stopped talking as my father stared at him with those cold eyes. Eyes that had been repeatedly burnt by hot steel because of his refusal to where any type of eye protection at them mill. I heard another strange sound as the recruiter’s pants made a rustling sound as his penis shrank between his quivering legs. I signed the papers as my father’s beard flowed on the desk.

In all honesty the military was a breeze. My father had instilled great discipline in his children. Even the toughest drill sergeant has nothing on my towering father with his deep gravelly voice telling me to get my shit together. Hints of smoke left over from his job at the mill, which he left hours ago, coming out of his nose like a dragon but with far more anger. I distinctly remember the day he picked me up after I got out of the military. It was 1975. His beard had a bit more grey in it. There were more scars on his face, hands, neck, shoulders, and arms than when I left. “Your mother has missed you.” Were his first words as he greeted me with a hearty handshake. I knew he did too. He was cold but he was still a human. I knew this because he was picking me up instead of telling me to “toughen up my feet” by walking home the 5 miles from the bus station. As we drove he attempted to change lanes but there was a sizable blind spot in his truck. He never was one for using mirrors either. The car he cut off beeped and he quickly corrected himself and waved to indicate he was sorry. However, at the next stop light the guy pulled up next to us. He began to shout at my father with colorful language. My father rolled down his window. “I apologize sir, I didn’t see you I hope you weren’t startled.”

“Fuck you old man! Open your fucking eyes and watch where you are going!” shouted the man in the car. I could see two others in the car with them. They were not small men either. They looked like the kind of people you wouldn’t want mad at you. I could see empty beer cans in the car. Surely starting a night of partying a little early. My father was confused.

“I apologized. I made a mistake. This incident is over.” My father said sternly. He turned back facing the light preparing to drive as it changed when a beer can hit in the head.

“Bullshit this is over! I tell you when it is over!” yelled the other driver. My father didn’t flinch as he put the car in park and got out. As the three men who were looking for a fight did the same. The light had turned green but no car behind us had dared move except for the few that recognized my father and had quickly pulled out of line to drive the other way. Impressively, there was very little trash talking from the three men as almost immediately one of them threw a punch hitting my father on his cheek right below his eye. My father didn’t even blink as the man’s hand shattered and the skin was ripped off his knuckles. I imagine it would be like punching a brick covered in rock salt.

Thinking about it now I there are a number of sounds I associate with my father that I haven’t heard anywhere else. There was the incident at the recruiting office for sure and this was another one. You see, he never had much respect for men who couldn’t control themselves or their drinking. After the first man threw a punch I had turned away. Even with everything I had seen in ‘Nam I didn’t want to see my father’s reaction to being punched. But I heard everything. I heard the trunk open. I heard the head honcho swing a bat. I heard the bat being caught mid swing by my father and then snapped in half along with a few of the man’s fingers. I heard the screaming. I heard the pleading. I heard my father tell them to shut up. And they did. Then the silence broken by the sound of empty beer cans being shoved up the rear ends of the three men. The sickening sound of metal crinkling and grunting men. A loud slap would be heard as he would remind them to shut up. Then just the crinkling and shoving. I guess you could say their punishment was equal to their drinking. They had made the mistake of having about 6 beers each. The whole process took a good 8 minutes or so. He had put the keys to their car in the first can telling them that they were allowed to drive again when they could get to the keys. He got back in the car and we continued on. I was queasy but tried not to show it. “Your mother has missed you” he said. I mentioned he said that when he picked me up.
“Sorry son, the old man sometimes forgets what he says I guess. Look at me rambling on. I guess I am just excited to see you. Tell me about the east. Tell me about oriental whores and war.” We drove on with me telling him about Vietnam. He just laughed the entire ride home. Nothing I said was funny.

John Kilmore

August 1983

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Cop a Feel 2

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Why am I so fat? I know why. I eat so much. I move so very little. I guess I should be asking why I let myself get like this. There is a reason I don’t have any full length mirrors on my house. More than once I have shown up at the station and one of the boys has to tell me to zip up. I can barely fit in my uniform much less see my own zipper. I try to blame genetics but genetics doesn’t put pizza in my gut 4 times a week or go on desert binges. Jenny leaving me certainly put the process into over drive but I was already a good 280lbs when she took off. Don’t get me wrong. She was no slouch herself but I had at least 90lbs on her. For a while I would get warnings about letting my weight get too high from the captain. After I added another hot hundo in 6 months I think I am now a combination of a lawsuit and liability. Everyone sues everyone for everything these days. I wish I could say I am self-conscious and that is why I grew my beard. You know, to hide my chins. The real reason is I just stopped caring. Jenny not only took my heart but also my soul. She was everything to me. No. That is also something I wish I could say. She was good enough and put up with my laziness for a while. God, I suck. I think this as I polish off a “big gulp”. I mix diet and normal Coke to make myself feel better. But then I add sugar. One of those strange behaviors that only the obese can understand. Some kind of weird rationalization that you are starting to change. You aren’t. You are fat.

I am not a good cop. Never was. I just wanted to feel powerful. I felt powerless against my appetite and laziness. It made me feel good to have power over people. I never understood “protect and serve”. Well, I guess I mean I never thought about it. That is until I was in court for tazing a kid for mouthing off to me. Like he knew the laws better than me? Like he could quote his rights better than me? I am a police officer. That is something that deserves respect. It turns out he DID know his rights and knew WAY more about the law than I did. Did you know there is such thing as a citizen’s arrest? I didn’t. When an angry mob arrest you for smacking the kid in the mouth with your stick you learn what it is real quick. The only reason I kept my job is because I think people felt sympathy for me as the local news played footage of me sobbing uncontrollably on the ground in my own cuffs as a little girl called me a cry baby. I claimed I was on anti-depressants and it had altered my mood and judgment. They quickly proved that this wasn’t due to a blood test but they did show my estrogen levels were sky high due to my obesity. After that I fell into the groove of just being your average lazy cop. I clock in and clock out. I try to turn the other way if I witness something that will require paperwork.

One thing I am really good at is chasing people down in my squad car. You see, a man of my stature doesn’t do much running. I even get kind of winded when driving fast so I am really good and knowing the shortest route between two points in this town. I am also really good and timing myself coming around a corner so that I will knock down a perpetrator with my car instead of having to chase him on foot. That way I can claim it was just and accident but I know what I am doing. One time a young punk snatched some lady’s purse. I actually saw it happen down the street as I was in my squad car. He ran right towards me. I looked the other way pretending I didn’t notice but people started knocking on my car and pointing at the kid. At this point the kid had seen me and changed directions down an alley. I took off after him. The Doritos I was eating spilled all over me. I wish I could say I stopped eating them during the chase but I didn’t. I came around the other side of the ally in time to see the kid climb a fence. I quickly backed out using only mirrors as I don’t/can’t turn around in my seat. I cut around the block and behind a 7-11. The kid landed on my car as he was coming over the other fence. He was stunned but only for a second. He dropped the purse and ran thinking I wouldn’t give chase which was a good bet but this day was different. I didn’t want to let this one go. Rounding the corner he I saw him jump onto a motorcycle. Some kind of Jap bike. He headed straight for the highway. I disengaged and headed east knowing that the highway simply arched around downtown and he wasn’t going to dare get off at the downtown exits. I crossed town with lights flashing and got on exit 14. I could see him as I headed up the ramp. I keep my spike strip in the passenger seat so I opened my window and hit a quick turn so the force of the turn would allow me to throw them out the window instead of getting out of the car. He hit them going well over 90mpg and that lucky son of a bitch crashed and rolled right into the lake. I threw a flare out the window so other drivers could see the strip and drove down to the lake. “Help! I can’t swim!” he shouted as he struggled to stay afloat. Dammit. What am I going to do? Maybe I could act like I don’t see him. I can’t believe I think like that. Let a man die instead of get out of a car. Jesus! Plus there were people on the bridge shouting at me to help him. I rocked out of the car and got my rope from the trunk. I threw it out into the water and tied the other end around my waist. Once he had the rope I began to pull him in. However, due to the Doritos grease on my hands and general lack of physical ability I found myself fatiguing fast. My solution was to just start spinning and act like a human cord reel. Sadly this worked great and soon he was on shore. He gasped for breath on the shore but recovered quickly. I on the other hand did not recover quickly and was gasping for breath as I had wrapped myself up with rope. He walked over as I yelled at him to stay where he was but both of my arms were clearly pinned. I tried to get my fat, greasy fingers around my gun but instead just pulled it out enough to finger the trigger and shot myself in the foot. This wasn’t the first time. I fell to the ground and flopped around like an out of shape walrus. He looked like he was going to make a run for it or steal my car. I couldn’t tell which. I looked him right in the eye.

“Kid. Don’t do this. Don’t throw this away. This is the precipice where a life filled with pain can only get worse or you can choose a second chance. A chance for change.” I saw his eyes start to water. I saw a young man without guidance, without discipline and who was for the first time hearing the words he had been waiting to hear. What he didn’t know was that I was referring to myself. I meant didn’t want him to steal my car and get me fired throwing my job away. But he didn’t know that as he helped me out of the rope and surrendered. He cried in the backseat of my car as I tried my best to think of a story of how the arrest went down. It turns out someone on the bridge had a video camera so I wouldn’t have to. Once again I was on the news flopping around all fat and sweaty in a knot of my own doing. There was no audio on the video but you could see me talking to the kid and he would for years tell the story of how I changed his life. I became a hero of non-violence. The headline read “Bumbling blob cop ties himself up to arrest street tough with just words.” I was the symbol in town of what a cop should be. This was when Rodney king was still fresh in everyone’s mind. I was invited to speak at schools and give seminars on how we can influence the teens of our community. I turned them all down of course as I wasn’t looking to get off my couch any more than I already do. I thought about how Jenny might see me and I could use her as motivation but as it turns out that really wasn’t motivating. Instead I rewarded myself with a cake. Actually telling myself “I deserve this”. I fail as a cop, get an arrest due to a misunderstanding and have the balls to convince myself I deserve a treat? Wow Frank. You are truly a piece of shit.

Sgt. Frank Molleni
June, 1994

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